When I was in high school, a few of us needed help eating lunch. At first, it was decided that aides would help us eat in the classroom so we would feel more comfortable. That arrangement worked until Jason Wheeler decided he wanted to eat with the other students in the cafeteria. The rest of us wanted that too, so we each followed his lead. After that, the students who had been helping us no longer wanted to do it. I never really knew why, though I could guess.
Lisa came to South High after the school year had already started. She seemed quiet and shy. Maxine was like a school mother to all of us—whenever anyone needed help, she was there. When the chance came for Lisa to help me at lunch, I met one of my best friends. It took her a while to feel comfortable opening up to me. From what she shared, she had a difficult childhood and had spent time in the home after she was diagnosed with MD. I got the sense that her parents struggled to handle her situation. I liked talking with people and getting to know them, so while Lisa helped me, I kept trying to learn more about her. Over time, she opened up, and we started spending time together after lunch.Later, I learned that Lisa had moved back home from a group home after her parents found out she had MD, a disease that gradually affects the body. At first, I did not know what her condition was. I only noticed that she sometimes had trouble with her balance. After a while, I spent a weekend at her house in Taft. Not long after that, Lisa and her mom moved into town. Sometime later, her mom remarried and moved to Hawaii. Instead of taking Lisa with her, she helped her get settled into an apartment. By then, Lisa was using a wheelchair, and the apartment had been designed with accessibility in mind. I especially loved her large shower because it had bars, and I could hold onto them. Lisa used to tease that I either loved being extra clean or was just a little crazy. One morning, when Maxine picked us up for school, Lisa joked that I must really love showers because I took one every chance I got.Like any high school, South High had its share of drama. It was a school designed for students with physical and learning disabilities, and the flat campus made it easier to get around. We all took the same P.E. class, and once a month we watched a movie in the classroom. If students were doing well in their next class, they could stay and finish the movie. One day, Lisa and I were sitting together joking around. She knew I had a bit of a crush on a student aid from the next class, and she blurted out that I liked him—loud enough for him to hear, which was mortifying. I put my head down and was so upset with her that I stopped talking to her. Days passed, and he would not even look at me. I tried to undo the embarrassment by having a friend tell him it had all been a joke, but it did not help. Then one day, while at my locker, I found an invitation to Lisa’s graduation. That was the moment I realized I was being foolish and missed my friend. I did not go to her graduation that evening, but we became close again after that.Lisa was there for me many times, so whenever I could be there for her, I would be glad to do it. Sometimes she would lose her balance and fall, and I would have to use the hoist to help get her back into her wheelchair. Other times, she would slide partly out of bed and call me in. I would find her stuck, rolling her eyes as if to say, “Well, I did it again.” I would crawl over and help push her back into bed, and usually, we laughed so hard it took twice as long. Those small moments were part of what made our friendship special. Lisa could be hard to read at times. When my mom dropped me off, I would sometimes warn her that Lisa might be in a bad mood and tell her not to say too much. But Mom would walk full of energy, and I would watch Lisa’s face to see how she reacted. The moment I saw Lisa grin, I knew everything was fine. My mom had a way of making people smile, whether they wanted to or not. Lisa and I were always going somewhere, either together or with friends, and some of our adventures were wild. On my twenty-second birthday, my sister Tanice threw me a party at a bowling alley with a bar. People kept buying me drinks, and before long, Lisa and I were both drunk, pounding on the table and shouting, “No one is paying attention to me.” I am sure we were quite a sight—two disabled women laughing, yelling, and carrying on in the middle of the crowd.We often went out to bars on Saturday nights to have fun and be around other people. One night, I had not eaten anything and had only had a few Cokes before we went out. Then I drank a few Blue Hawaiis, which turned out to be a terrible idea. I got sick all over the table at the bar. Our friend Marilyn helped me outside and stayed with me until someone could take me back to Lisa’s apartment. On the way, I remember someone warning me not to get sick in the car and handing me a small bucket just in case. Once we got to the apartment, Lisa took over and cared for me. She told me to take a bath, and thankfully, she had a bath chair that lifted me safely into the tub and back down again afterward. By then, I was sober enough to get myself dressed and go to bed.There were other strange moments too. Once, while we were heading back to Lisa’s place, she wanted to stop and look around in a shop that made me uncomfortable. I waited outside under the lights, but a few guys driving by shouted names at me, which felt especially strange since I had not even gone inside. Another time, a group of us was coming back from downtown when Lisa noticed her wheelchair battery was running low near another place I did not want to enter. I stayed outside while the others handled things. A man I knew recognized me and said hello, which caught me off guard and embarrassed me a little. For a moment, I tried going inside nearby just to avoid standing out alone, but I backed right back out almost immediately. I do not remember exactly how we got home that night, only that we did.Lisa always looked out for me and seemed to know what I was feeling before I said a word. At one point, I met a man from Texas and thought I was in love. We talked about marriage, children, and the future together, though I did not understand everything he was involved in. Then, the day before New Year’s Eve, while I was at Lisa’s making plans, she got a call from his roommate saying he was gone. We both asked, “Where?” and learned he had gone back to Texas. We were stunned. I asked him and Harvy to come to explain what had happened, but when they arrived, I barely remember anything they said. Harvy later took me for a drive to clear my head. I do not remember talking much at all. I just stared out the window until he finally asked if I was ready to go back, and I nodded yes.The next day, Lisa asked if I wanted to go next door because we knew someone was having a party. She thought it might help get my mind off everything that had happened. She told me that if I wanted to leave, all I had to do was give her a look, and we would be out of there in no time. We went, and I tried to enjoy myself. I think we stayed for an hour or so, but I just could not get into the celebration. Lisa looked at me and knew it was time to go. We went home, and before we each went to bed, we looked at one another and said, “Happy New Year.”No matter what is happening in your life, the world keeps moving. After spending some time in my own bubble trying to get over Tim, I eventually went back to see Lisa. By then, I could tell her condition was getting worse. She told me she felt safer getting out of her chair and sitting on the sofa when I was there. I encouraged her to keep doing it because I thought holding onto her independence for as long as possible mattered.As time passed, we both found boyfriends. Now and then, her boyfriend would bring Lisa over to my house. Eventually, Lisa moved in with him for one reason or another. I believe some of those reasons had to do with support and care.One morning, we woke up to snow in Bakersfield, which rarely happens. Meghan was still little, and my mom had bundled her up to go play in it. I sat in the doorway watching her, and I remember seeing Lisa there too, looking like she was enjoying herself. I think that was the last time I saw her. Later, I heard she had an enlarged heart, something I suspect had gone unnoticed for longer than anyone realized. She passed away not long after. Losing her was like losing part of the family. I will always remember what we shared and all the good times we had together.